musings

I was sitting in a diner this morning, eating my steak and eggs pondering my sole day of rest for the week and how I would make the most of it. I definitely needed rest, as I injured my leg yesterday afternoon being a complete buffoon. While I’m happy to say I’m healing faster than I thought I would, it still a loss of a day. There were a few things I needed to get done and didn’t which gets me aggravated   but at the same time, I didn’t realize how much I needed some rest, aside the injury, as well.

So I made the most of it, rested , read , wrote a little bit, watched a movie, adjusted my 401 contributions, messaged some friends and I wanted to get a post out, just didn’t know what to write about. its been years since I’ve written for a blog on a semi regular basis, and getting into it is an adjustment. My kids are with their mother this weekend, apple picking today or tomorrow I think.

While I’ve been out of the house for months now that too is an adjustment, I guess when you’re nursing a minor injury like this muscle strain and really are limited, all sorts of thoughts come up, aside the usual stuff. Stuff you gotta deal with too. Internal things sometimes we forget about in our daily endeavors, they sometimes come to surface when we finally have that moment alone to ourselves. How our pain our losses our fears for our children and the coming world at large our failures and meaning affect us under the kin, deep in the soul. A yearning for peace , a salvation of some kind. Maybe that’s why I keep so busy, maybe that’s why many of us do.

When I’m alone and I get to that abyss, as I’m about to peek over, instinct( I think) kicks in and that inner voice reminds me, ‘what bullshit I’m working two jobs to save and pay bills as well as child support and to save and improve my life and my kids. There were never any guarantees, you’ve known that your whole damn life!!’

I feel it some days, I ultimately know I am responsible for my situation for better or worse and if even on a day of rest I can do something to be a little more self aware, or make a small improvement even if its a throwaway post or checking my 401 or researching other ways to invest…even if its to realize my body , mind and spirit need rest, its a good day and worth it.

Now my leg is healing faster than I thought it would, in twenty four hours my pain levels went from an 8 of 10 to maybe a 4 of 10, I may owe that to years of on and off martial arts training and stretching, as well as an  active lifestyle. I’ve been told by many we all fall apart after forty, Ive yet to see that, and I’ll be forty one next month.

When I do heal, there’s a very affordable kickboxing/mma/boxing gym literally right around the block from me, and I’m very interested in taking some boxing classes twice a week. I was gonna go there today but let my leg heal. once it does I’ll take a look.

I’m gonna do a longer post about martial arts this my thoughts my history with it and focusing on the whole fraud and mcdojo aspects, which always fascinates me. Today there is a lot of great information and personal insights out there now. Bullshido forums youtube channels specialize in.

Understanding how we perceive and approach combat based sports, traditional arts and their preservation, as well as functional self defense systems ( I believe they have some common elements but are three different things especially today) today, its imperative that we learn to separate them to appreciate their value .

Ill expand further in another post, coming next is a little story about how I got catfished around this time last year and the whole online dating app tinder thing in general. A second periscope may drop this weekend or early next week a much short one, I hope to improve my public speaking and structure it better, and I start writing my first podcast notes this week.

but for now I’m taking a nap

cheers

citizen g

 

 

 

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